OSHO, I FEEL AND REALIZE THE FUTILITY OF DESIRING. THERE SEEMS TO BE NO AMBITION IN ME. BUT YET THERE IS A THIRST, A YEARNING, AND AN INNER SENSE OF UNFULFILLMENT. PLEASE EXPLAIN WHETHER THIS TOO IS A PART OF DESIRING.
- Yes, this too is a part of desiring -- the negative part. Everything has two parts, the positive and the negative. The positive part of desiring is to desire something, to be ambitious. To be aware of the object of desire is a positive desire. The negative desire is: one is not aware of the object of desire, but one is aware only of the thirst of desire -- of the yearning.
These are the two parts. The subjective feeling of unfulfillment is the negative part of ambition and being obsessed with an object of desire is the positive part of ambition. Both are ambition. And if you intellectually understand that desire is futile, the negative part will remain with you -- if you INTELLECTUALLY understand that desire is futile and this is not an existential experience.
You have been hearing things, you have been listening and you have been reading. And Buddhas and Christs have been talking to the world and they have been saying that you are in misery because of desire, that you are in suffering because of desire -- and they say they are in bliss because of desirelessness. And you have seen them: you have seen their eyes, you have seen their faces, you have seen the grace, the bliss, the ecstasy that just moves around them. Even in their shadow the ecstasy, the dance is there. You have seen them and you have heard them and they say if you desire you will be in suffering, if you do not desire you will be in ecstasy and bliss.
Now intellectually you can understand this, because desire creates tension, because desire creates the future, because desire creates expectations, and when it is not fulfilled you are in misery. Or even when it is fulfilled you are not in bliss. When it is fulfilled you feel that this is nothing -- that this is nothing compared to the dream, compared to the hope. You fall in love with a person, a girl or a boy, you fall in love with a house, you fall in love with a car, and you think, "If this woman is achieved I will be in absolute bliss." But this is your dream; no woman can fulfill it.
This is just fantasy; no real woman can fulfill it. Every real woman will be just a faint thing compared to it. But there is no fault on the woman's part. This is your mind which goes on fantasizing. You create a fantasy, a romance, and you move high in the heavens. Then you meet the woman. If you cannot achieve her, if you cannot get possession of her, you will be in misery, because you had a dream and the dream remained unfulfilled. You will feel a constant pain in the heart.
But I tell you, if you meet her, if you can get her, you will be in a deeper misery, because at least the dream remains intact if you have not met her -- you can go on dreaming. But if you meet her you will see that no woman lives in heaven. As you live on earth, she lives on earth. She is as earthly as you -- even more. Woman is more earthly than man. She will shatter all your dreams. And when you awake from your dreaming, you will be in misery. Whether your dream is fulfilled or not, misery will be the result. Out of dreaming only misery results.
This you can understand. Your experience can also be helpful. Intellectually you can understand and then you can come to conclude that it is futile to desire -- to be ambitious is futile; it leads to misery and hell. But this will stop only the positive desiring; the negative will remain. Really, you are still desiring -- now desirelessness. You are now desiring a state of NON-DESIRE. Now desirelessness has become the object of desire. You will feel a yearning, a search, a thirst and an unfulfillment.
What is to be done now? What can be done? Intellectually nothing will happen to you: you will go on changing the object of desire and the negative part will go on pushing you into new desires. Live it. Do not believe in Buddha, do not believe in Jesus, do not believe in me. Live it. Desire and live, and experience desire in its totality. And do not hurry, do not make any haste to conclude. Your misery is because you make such hurried conclusions.
You are so susceptible to believing in anything because you do not want to go through experience. Experience may be painful -- let it be. But only experience can help you.
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Experience! Be authentic to your experience and allow the conclusions to come only through your own individual particular search. The truth will happen to you but it will not happen to you if you go on borrowing it from others. That becomes a substitute truth. It creates more problems than it solves.
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Please don't you conclude; allow life itself to come to its conclusion. And when life comes to its conclusion, desire falls without any substitute desire being created there. It simply falls down. Just like dead leaves fall from a tree, desire falls from you -- total desire. Then there is no negative part hidden behind it. And when you are in the state of nondesiring, all that is blissful happens to you, all that is ecstatic happens to you. You flower for the first time. And when there is no unfulfillment, you are fulfilled AS YOU ARE.
But before that happens, if you go on borrowing it will be difficult: you are creating unnecessary barriers for yourself. The conclusions may appeal to you but that appeal is of no meaning. I can convince you about something but that conviction carries no meaning because it has been forced by me. I can argue, I can convince, and you may feel this is right. But that feeling will not help unless your life energy concludes it, unless it is an inner conviction which arises within you and is not forced from without.
That is why I say buddhas are dangerous -- because they are so convincing. When you move around them there is every possibility that you will become a victim, every possibility that you will get convinced. Their very being is convincing. That is why so many religions are created, so many sects are there. Whenever a buddha happens, an enlightened one, necessarily you get convinced, you become hypnotized -- and you borrow conclusions. And then for lives together you go on with those borrowed conclusions and they become a burden.
Die to that burden! Be authentic to yourself and try to find out where you are. Even if it is hell, accept that "I am in hell." The very acceptance that you are in hell will create the situation where you can move out of it. But you live in hell and you go on believing that you are in heaven. This is sheer nonsense and nothing can come out of it.
The Supreme Doctrine
Chapter #11
Chapter title: Truth or Trick?
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